I was ten years old when my grandma taught me how to crochet.  

I hated it.

Sure, certain things stood out that still bring me comfort, my grandma’s bright red beehive hair-do and classical music in the      background. But I didn’t understand tension, and so my fingers were wrapped tighter and tighter with every stitch.  

Did I mention that I hated it?

It became obvious to me, because of her smile, that my grandma would not flinch.  She was determined to outlast me through that grandmotherly patience.  And so we sat side by side…my fingers turning purple while my grandma kept smiling and encouraging me.  I would occasionally throw down the yarn and tell her I didn’t want to do it.  She would smile and tell me it took practice, and that we’d try again later.  The message was clear. Quitting was not an option.  How did this whole idea to teach me crochet begin anyway? My grandma seemed content enough to work on all those afghans; I was happy enough watching cartoons and playing outside.  And then…forced crochet lessons.

One afternoon, everything changed.  While I was staring down at the bright pink yarn that was to become a stuffed hippo, my grandma suggested I hold the yarn in a slightly different way.  “Just take it off your pinky,” she suggested.  I couldn’t see how that would help, but tried anyway.  One stitch…two stitches…no more tightening!  I kept working, trying to see if it would last.  My hook glided, I squealed in delight, and in that instant I became a crocheter.  That stuffed pink hippo with the enormous head became a symbol.  I would not give up, even when I hated it.  

25 years later…
Like 750 million other people, I’m on Facebook.  My friend, Nikki, sent me a link to Halos of Hope.  I read the mission statement, “Halos of Hope is a not-for-profit organization committed to providing in-need cancer patients with crafted hats donated by caring volunteers.”  Oh, what timing…just a few weeks earlier a stranger in a white doctor coat told me that my entire world would not be changing – the cancer test was negative.

If the truth is to be told, I initially decided to crochet hats for Halos of Hope, because it wasn’t going to demand much from me.  I could work on a hat as I had time.  I didn’t anticipate it, but I would find healing and confidence with yarn and hook as a catalyst.  When I’m working on a crochet project, it’s my time for reflection; I call it productive meditation.  As I worked on the caps, I imagined how differently things would have been if I had cancer.  I couldn’t hold back the tears when I realized I could have been receiving a cap instead of making one.  

It wasn’t long before Nikki called to explain about the shark hats; these amazing knit hats were donated to Halos of Hope and then sold to raise money for shipping expenses over the next year.  She wanted to know if I would design a crochet pattern for a shark hat.  I agreed even though I had never attempted to design a crochet pattern – and what did a shark look like anyway?  Oh, we all can recognize a shark, but when you’re giving directions on construction, you need to know these answers:
•    Which way does a shark’s tail lay?
•    How far back is its dorsal fin and which direction does it point?  
•    How severe is the shark’s body tapering?

So, I’m scared of sharks and didn’t know those answers.  The closest I’ve been to a shark is in the West Desert at a snorkeling place called Sea Base.  They claimed to have three sharks in the water with us; we had to sign a waiver, and then I prayed I wouldn’t see anything that resembled a shark.  

I made my first attempt at a shark hat and showed Nikki, a true shark expert who would definitely have a shark as a pet, were it possible.  “The tail is wrong – it’s shaped more like a whale’s.”  She pulled out a shark anatomy book – I made a few sketches – and then she told me about Lucy.  Lucy is a shark that lives in the waters near Guadalupe Island, Mexico, where Nikki enjoys shark diving.  I wondered if it were possible to tell one shark from another, but with ease Nikki identified each shark she had photographed – each one having unique markings or scars.  And then she pointed out Lucy’s tail, almost one half of it having been bit off by another shark.  Nikki remarked how swimming must be so difficult for Lucy since her tail was damaged, but Lucy never gave up – because there just wasn’t another option – swim or die. 

I decided to scrap the previous pattern and try something entirely new.  A picture unfolded in my mind, and I was giddy with confidence, realizing I knew exactly how to design this pattern!  My new pattern and the funky colored yarn I used were loved – a certain air of excitement followed the shark hat wherever it went.  I wish my grandma could have seen how she left a legacy with those forced crochet lessons.

I didn’t know it at the time, but the lesson of Lucy’s tail came at the perfect time for me.  I have continued to have health problems, which means seeing countless doctors, paying thousands of dollars in medical expenses, and spending hours undergoing medical tests.  Crocheting shark hats has brought me comfort and has given me time for productive meditation.  I’ve had time to think about and forgive the insensitive doctor who told me, “Everyone dies of something.”   My mind has had time to wander into its dark corners where uncertainty lives, and face the fears of having a chronic illness.  I’ve reflected on the cancer patients I will never know who will receive a cap from Halos of Hope, and know their pain isn’t so different from mine.

Who would have known a shark named Lucy and my grandma would have so much in common? 

They’ve both taught me to never give up. Quitting just isn’t an option.

Ed. note:  Monica Miles is the designer of the 2012 Lucy's Tail Crochet Pattern.

 

Lucy's Tail is the 2011 Campaign to help Halos of Hope raise the money we need to continue our mission sending thousands of hats each month to cancer centers all across the country.  100% of donations go directly to our shipping budget.  Your shark hat contribution comes with a 250:1 guarantee.  250 hats will be shipped to a cancer center - 1 shark hat comes to you. Only a limited number of shark hats are available during each campaign.  Lucy's siblings will join Helmüt's brothers and sisters migrating around the world.

Any size donation is welcome.  Each non-shark-hat donation made during Lucy's campaign will earn the donor an entry for a final Lucy's Tail hat, set aside especially for this purpose.

Click here to choose one of Lucy's siblings

Click here to make a non-shark-hat donation

All of us at Halos of Hope wish the Solmar crew and passengers safe voyages this Isla Guadalupe season!